Without any surprise it’s been a while since I’ve written, but today more than ever I feel like the only appropriate therapy is to release all of my current emotions and break the silence. This Earth is completely knowledgable of four particular seasons, but the older I get the more I learn this life abounds far more than a mere four. I’m reaching the state of vulnerability and complete honesty in saying that I’ve been amidst the season of a storm that is full of dark and heavy crashing waves.
If someone near to me was to describe my character lately, I’m 100% positive that emotional would rank top of the list, and although this is indefinitely accurate I’d be a liar to say this characteristic has been very difficult to handle. This school year has been full of heavy rains in every sense of the word, and the preparation for the recent numerous storms has been minimal. I knew this year would be full of obvious challenges a couple of which being coaching 3 sports, 2 simultaneously, and being the working mother of a growing toddler who requires an extensive amount of energy, but my heart wasn’t ready for the unexpected challenges. Grasping this new busy schedule tricked me into thinking I was already overwhelmed and exhausted, but was I ever mistaken.
Striking first in August with the heart wrenching scare with the Waldrons Hayley and Harrison then continuing in December, the cloud of death has been lingering, striking and shattering hearts that are in some fashion connected to mine. And when you’re an emotional person or a person who is often full of empathy; I’ve been hurting for these people that have touched countless lives. For these families that have lost loved ones; the Bradshaws, the Gerstackers + Horschigs, the Wellmans, the Hunters, the Hills, the Willabays, the Mays and today the Coffmans, they are undergoing the massive season of change. Change that brings about a new normal which has an ever present hole without a husband/father, daughter/sister/mother, wife/mother/grandmother, son/brother and to myself my student’s father, husband’s grandpa, Principal’s daughter/fellow softball teammate/cheerleader’s sister, one of my best college friends, friend’s grandmother, friend’s great grandmother, my Elementary PE teacher, and friend’s brother/last year’s algebra student. Change is never easy and the greatest unfortunate reality is that death calls for an earthly permanent change until time is no longer a barrier and the Lord decides to call us all home. When we lose someone whether it’s expected or sudden we are often left feeling empty, maybe questioning why it was time for them to go, and dealing with an instant state of shock which can put us at a loss for words.
My Harding and Rains Family have been struck hard and it seems we have remained in a teary state. I have said before that the enemy has done a phenomenal job of stripping me of the joy I know is within me and while there are no words to fill the void that our friends are gone, there are many elements that transcend the sting of death. The beauty of “in loving memory” is the memory: memories give us the opportunity to keep precious moments that were shared alive. Photographs freeze those moments in time and help us replay those memories. Prayer that is powerfully comforting and effective, and lastly but most importantly we have the hope of heaven which should excite us for the everlasting life we can share with those that we love forever. So while we remain in heartbreak over James, Clair, Shelbi, Blake, Carolyn, Lois, Karen and Paydon, we will continue to celebrate with the golden memories, photographs, prayer and cling to the love of the Lord who can bring us peace, joy and grant us eternity in heaven.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance….” Ecclesiastes 3: 1-4